tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52262969474488089942024-02-07T19:41:38.415-08:00Hamster ValhallaAn Informative Receptacle of News and Knowledge Pertaining to the Creative Pursuits of Writer and Filmmaker Stuart C. PaulStuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.comBlogger84125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-80747408091384991182014-07-26T01:37:00.002-07:002014-07-26T01:40:38.219-07:00Sales and AwardsAn extremely cool thing happened last week when they announced the sale of my screenplay <i>Terminal Point </i>to Universal!<br />
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<a href="http://www.deadline.com/2014/07/universal-and-will-packer-close-in-on-terminal-point-spec/"><span style="color: blue;">http://www.deadline.com/2014/07/universal-and-will-packer-close-in-on-terminal-point-spec/</span></a><br />
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I don't know if I'm allowed to say much about it, but here is a piece of concept art drawn up by a great artist named Cristian Zamora that tells you everything and nothing you need to know.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Copyright 2014 Hamster Valhalla</td></tr>
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Also, <i>The Lord Of Catan </i>was awarded Best Short Film at the Florida Supercon's 2014 Super Geek Film Festival. CATAN SMASH!!!<br />
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And last night, Production Designer Lindsey Moran and Art Director Steve Morden joined me at LA Shorts Fest for a screening of <i>The Lord Of Catan. </i>In retrospect, I cannot state enough how rock solid and dependable these two were. Film sets are places of chaos, but they invariably found a way to get whatever I needed done and to get it done well and quickly. Just don't ask them about the wallpaper.</div>
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It took me 15 years of writing feature screenplays to sell one, which when you put it that way, kind of makes me sound retarded. Rossio and Elliot said to give yourself ten years, but technically speaking, anything you write in high school or college probably shouldn't count, so the adjusted count is more like 8 years. The point is never stop writing. <br />
<br />Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-70638736533205980562014-06-03T15:02:00.002-07:002014-06-03T15:03:50.598-07:00The Lord of Catan West Coast Premiere<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Thank you to all the friends, family and fans who joined us for <i>The Lord of Catan</i>'s West Coast Premiere at Dances With Films!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Producer Lisa Barrett-McGuire, Writer-Director Stu Paul, Actress Amy Acker</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">The Acker and the Chog</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">MOAR CHOG!!!</span></td></tr>
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<a href="http://vimeo.com/97082098">DWF17 DAY3 THANKYOU</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/user4239146">Dances With Films</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-72848507911964689932014-05-30T13:15:00.001-07:002014-05-30T13:15:29.297-07:00The Lord of Catan Official Theatrical Trailer<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/bTvN-sAuRNM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-74221311642114856442014-05-30T13:13:00.003-07:002014-05-30T13:13:56.991-07:00East Coast PremiereActor Fran Kranz and opening title sequence animator Katie Biese were out to represent <i>The Lord of Catan </i>last night at NY Shorts Fest for our East Coast Premiere. Many thanks to Cailin Kelly for her help spreading the good word and to everyone who attended!<br />
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<br />Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-42082265889576845802014-05-13T16:09:00.000-07:002014-05-14T10:44:25.525-07:00NEW TEASER + WEST COAST PREMIERE<h2>
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Brand New Lord of Catan Teaser!</span></h2>
Just in time for our East and West Coast Premieres, here is a new teaser trailer for our festival run!<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">LOS ANGELES PREMIERE - MAY 31</span></h2>
Our West Coast Premiere will be hosted by Dances With Films at the Chinese Theaters on Hollywood and Highland. <b>There will be a Q & A afterwards with Writer-Director Stuart C. Paul and, barring any scheduling conflicts, ACTRESS AMY ACKER. </b><br />
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Tickets can be purchased here: <a href="http://www.danceswithfilms.com/slt_the_lord_of_catan.html"><span style="color: #cccccc;">http://www.danceswithfilms.com/slt_the_lord_of_catan.html</span></a><br />
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Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-41986785462422050352014-05-13T01:14:00.000-07:002014-05-13T01:14:29.840-07:00EAST COAST (NY) PREMIERE - MAY 29<i>The Lord of Catan</i>'s East Coast Premiere will be hosted by the New York Shorts Fest at the Landmark Sunshine Theater in Manhattan. <b>Actor Fran Kranz will be in attendance. </b>Tickets can be purchased here: <a href="http://nyshortsfest.com/ny/film_program_details.asp?programnumber=8"><span style="color: #cccccc;">http://nyshortsfest.com/ny/film_program_details.asp?programnumber=8</span></a><br />
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<br />Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-62285522373759357502014-05-02T14:41:00.002-07:002014-05-04T14:41:54.319-07:00Cast and Crew Screening PhotosThanks to everyone who came out to the Cast and Crew Screening and to the USA Film Festival. It was a truly amazing couple of nights.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Me with Amy Acker and Fran Kranz. I'm the one in the dinosaur shirt.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">With Kickstarter Backer Brian Coultrup</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">And Associate Producer James Szajda</span></td></tr>
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Cast and Crew<br />
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Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-58638276607853636682014-05-02T14:27:00.003-07:002014-05-02T14:29:56.180-07:00The Lord of Catan Official Posters<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Thanks to Amanda Tannen for our psychedelic set of new posters!</div>
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<br />Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-10071225558582722552013-09-29T21:55:00.003-07:002013-09-29T22:24:10.536-07:00Digital Hollywood Content Summit + BALLS!<div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, 'Liberation Sans', FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I'm going to be on a panel at the Digital Hollywood Content Summit talking about crowdfunding your movie. It always amuses me when people think I know what I'm doing. Likelihood I will be wearing a dinosaur shirt: 9-1. </span><a href="http://dhcontentsummit.com/session/indiewire_crowdfunding_highlights/"><span style="color: yellow;">http://dhcontentsummit.com/session/indiewire_crowdfunding_highlights/</span></a></div>
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Recently, my cats got their balls chopped off. So naturally, I convinced my wife to bring home their emancipated testicles in jars. Then Pawel, my cinematographer from <i>The Lord of Catan</i>, came over and we turned my wife's jewelry studio into a photo studio and took photos of them. I feel this is a far more noble end for their testicles than ending up in some vet's trash. Enjoy.</span><br />
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Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-31031482241819712132013-09-14T00:03:00.001-07:002013-09-14T00:04:11.018-07:00Amy Acker Briefly Discusses The Lord of Catan<a href="http://www.assignmentx.com/2013/exclusive-interview-amy-acker-on-husbands-the-series-much-ado-about-nothing-and-more/">http://www.assignmentx.com/2013/exclusive-interview-amy-acker-on-husbands-the-series-much-ado-about-nothing-and-more/</a>Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-3588137010421429742013-07-13T17:21:00.000-07:002013-07-13T17:21:55.209-07:005 Days Left!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyNUXvndwQzP2bBkWpAAiQNykpc2HBDtiU2nevrrCZPDzwxRGWk_QOCPtpyAvpEfFdctZnjYyIdoDlnRWzHcse_p2l7fQpFpjPy6dCY-Cbo2o2ftaxR4FlSTPaqUYhN2umnfn6hX8X_fkL/s1600/ooh.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyNUXvndwQzP2bBkWpAAiQNykpc2HBDtiU2nevrrCZPDzwxRGWk_QOCPtpyAvpEfFdctZnjYyIdoDlnRWzHcse_p2l7fQpFpjPy6dCY-Cbo2o2ftaxR4FlSTPaqUYhN2umnfn6hX8X_fkL/s1600/ooh.jpg" /></a><i>The Lord of Catan</i> Kickstarter is entering its final five days, and the show of support has been amazing. If you haven't yet become a backer, head over to <a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/152013246/the-lord-of-catan"><span style="color: yellow;">Kickstarter</span></a> to see what over 1,100 people have already discovered. <br />
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Help spread the word! None of this would have been possible without the help of people like you getting the news out. Please tweet, Facebook and otherwise share the below link to help us finish strong! <br />
<a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/152013246/the-lord-of-catan"><span style="color: yellow;">http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/152013246/the-lord-of-catan</span></a><br />
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If you're still not convinced, here are some interviews to sway you:<br />
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Sci-Fi Pulse: <a href="http://scifipulse.net/2013/07/interview-stuart-c-paul-on-indie-movies-comics-kickstarter-and-the-lord-of-catan/"><span style="color: yellow;">http://scifipulse.net/2013/07/interview-stuart-c-paul-on-indie-movies-comics-kickstarter-and-the-lord-of-catan/</span></a><br />
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Giant Fire-Breathing Robot: <a href="http://gfbrobot.com/2013/06/26/episode-174-director-stu-paul-and-actor-fran-kranz-talk-about-catan-and-the-settlers-thereof/"><span style="color: yellow;">http://gfbrobot.com/2013/06/26/episode-174-director-stu-paul-and-actor-fran-kranz-talk-about-catan-and-the-settlers-thereof/</span></a><br />
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Word of the Nerd: <span style="color: yellow;"><a href="http://www.wordofthenerdonline.com/new-kickstarter-project-the-lord-of-catan-features-joss-whedon-favorites/">http://www.wordofthenerdonline.com/new-kickstarter-project-the-lord-of-catan-features-joss-whedon-favorites/</a></span><br />
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<br />Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-9628540567436058012013-07-02T14:57:00.001-07:002013-07-02T14:57:44.335-07:00New Lord of Catan TrailerWatch the trailer below or <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sy1MPlt4u8">click here to watch on Youtube.</a>
<iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/69572991" width="500" height="281" frameborder="0" webkitAllowFullScreen mozallowfullscreen allowFullScreen></iframe>
Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-59572195015549367882013-06-19T14:21:00.002-07:002013-06-19T14:21:44.026-07:00300 Backers!!!An enormous thanks to everyone who has backed The Lord of Catan on Kickstarter. For those of you who have not seen it, here is the official teaser trailer.<br />
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<br /><iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/68724229" width="500" height="281" frameborder="0" webkitAllowFullScreen mozallowfullscreen allowFullScreen></iframe>Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-53344479665635361832013-06-18T12:39:00.002-07:002013-06-18T12:39:13.401-07:00The Lord of Catan Kickstarter is LIVE!Please click the link, check out the video and share!<br />
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<a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/152013246/the-lord-of-catan">http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/152013246/the-lord-of-catan</a>Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-25102304111686499232013-06-04T17:29:00.001-07:002013-06-04T17:49:34.999-07:00Much Ado about the Lord of CatanLast night, I saw Joss Whedon's <i>Much Ado About Nothing</i> at the Aero. If you have seen it, you know it to be a charming romp of delight. If you haven't seen it, you should check it out immediately as a great example of how commercial frustration can create great art. It is the kind of movie that deserves to be supported.<br />
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As it happens, two of the main stars of <i>Much Ado, </i>Fran Kranz and Amy Acker, are also in <i>The Lord of Catan</i>, a short film I shot in early May. If you're already a fan of Kracker, you don't need to be told that they are awesome. It's tough to come upon sublime experiences in life and filmmaking, but I experienced one last night. It's pretty cool to watch two actors unleash thespian homicide on screen in a Joss Whedon movie, knowing that the next time they do so will be in your own film. <br />
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We are just over a week away from the release of <i>The Lord of Catan's </i>official teaser trailer and the start of our Kickstarter campaign. So watch this blog or @HamsterValhalla on Twitter for updates as the date nears. In the meantime, these behind-the-scenes photos of Amy and Fran rocking out most righteously are dedicated to Amelia, whose taste in shirts is most impeccable.<br />
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<br />Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-11314514813498816482013-05-29T00:23:00.000-07:002013-05-29T00:23:37.522-07:00The Lord of Catan is coming.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYT1OEbTMZQnBEbk7xPs4yi94y3lzEmgEfB894DIKAh66JW_hgIlf6558SvBTLX4PwLyM2i-k0QvNbjdTNmMUuTuUW1fq5RYm9PE4RMQSNZ2bbk0XvochJk6w9RkWh-sEu6JmVVSpvxzuy/s1600/poster1forweb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYT1OEbTMZQnBEbk7xPs4yi94y3lzEmgEfB894DIKAh66JW_hgIlf6558SvBTLX4PwLyM2i-k0QvNbjdTNmMUuTuUW1fq5RYm9PE4RMQSNZ2bbk0XvochJk6w9RkWh-sEu6JmVVSpvxzuy/s400/poster1forweb.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-81718282506883769482013-03-09T15:01:00.000-08:002013-03-09T15:01:12.664-08:00Chambara style<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4gO3kw_2_w9-p5Pk7d_APcQhQESN0S0_E-Znu90dEPb8zwWasGpCZyJU1rVdlEUD8B9N2c0Juj416-Rx0iIw3zRfdXTVXs-W4ZEFSjgXkgwYtUTkbMFb4eJPiGbyZM7ckgmE_OUtS0x2N/s1600/Bushido_66_hamster_logo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4gO3kw_2_w9-p5Pk7d_APcQhQESN0S0_E-Znu90dEPb8zwWasGpCZyJU1rVdlEUD8B9N2c0Juj416-Rx0iIw3zRfdXTVXs-W4ZEFSjgXkgwYtUTkbMFb4eJPiGbyZM7ckgmE_OUtS0x2N/s640/Bushido_66_hamster_logo.jpg" width="407" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Toei-style logo <br />
Pencils: Jules Abrera<br />
Colors: Martin Hernandez Tena<br />
Logo: Rachel Mitnik</td></tr>
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Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-43364966066375004182012-12-16T19:58:00.002-08:002012-12-17T10:18:38.956-08:00Convergence on the 2012 Hit ListI was pleased to learn my parallel realities script, Convergence, was voted onto the Tracking Board's 2012 Hit List--a list of the best spec scripts of the year.<br />
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<a href="http://www.tracking-board.com/the-hit-list-2012-full-list/">http://www.tracking-board.com/the-hit-list-2012-full-list/ </a><br />
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Naturally, one must take all compliments from Hollywood with a grain of salt. If you're looking to the industry for critical recognition, you are looking in the wrong place.<br />
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Yet, we writers do love approval. Flattery works on us. It works very, very well.<br />
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However, one cannot speak of the Hit List without also speaking of its sluttier but more famous cousin, the Black List, which in the last few years, has become something akin to the Oscars for unproduced screenplays. Convergence's inclusion on the Hit List is particularly welcome, as I was just bemoaning how the Black List has gained this reputation as the be-all and end-all of amazing screenwriting. Producers and executives vote for their favorite scripts of the year. Yet I can't help but question the list's validity, especially now that the Black List has turned its admittedly aptly chosen name into a business, selling services to hungry screenwriters. The Black List is a barometer of many things, and the quality of the writing is not always one of them. If you read a handful of scripts from any given year, you will find works that cross the gamut--there are good scripts, quirky scripts, scripts with good characters, mediocre scripts with good hooks, unoriginal scripts with good structure, utter piles of crap and even a few truly brilliant pieces of work.<br />
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The Black List always opens by saying that it is not a best-of list, but a most-liked list. I would posit it is more accurate to say that it is a "most hyped" list. An executive cannot like a script if they have not read it. It is another example of commercial Hollywood appropriating art for its own ends, the primary ends in this case being bragging rights (you'll notice the first thing they put up is not the names of the scripts or writers, but the scorecard of agencies and managers who represent writers that made the cut).<br />
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I say all this prior to the announcement of the Black List's 2012 inductees tomorrow. Whether or not my script makes the cut is not the issue. I am here to celebrate the Hit List, because it seems to me that its focus, while similar to the Black List in terms of how the votes are tallied, is not on "unproduced" scripts (i.e. many of which have already been bought and are soon to be produced), but on all specs that went out in the year. And while the same caveats apply--heat begets heat, and the more people read a script, the more likely it will get voted for--the Tracking Board is a tool of the people in the trenches--those interns and development execs who read every script that goes out. It is, and this is only my perception, as I am no insider to the voting on these things--a slightly more democratic alternative to the Black List.<br />
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The Black List feels to me like a tool of the Hollywood aristocracy to maintain control over the artist by making us beg for their approval. The Hit List feels to me like a statement from the proletariat. And as a former intern who knows what it is to sit in a little room reading scripts and writing coverage in between calling the local yogurt shops to get their flavors of the day for the boss's wife, I feel a certain kinship with the lords of the Tracking Board, whoever they might be.<br />
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To everyone who actually read Convergence through to the end and to all who voted for it, I give my thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it. You are the people who can make a difference.<br />
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I implore all those in Hollywood to choose originality over the familiar. Intelligence over mediocrity. Scripts that challenge over scripts that check off all the boxes. Make commerce bow before art, not the other way around. And pass my script up to your boss.Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-48914596260593244182012-10-03T16:58:00.001-07:002012-10-03T16:58:34.188-07:00Digital vs. 35mm - Round 1On Monday, my DP and I shot some test footage for a short film I wrote and am directing. The contenders are the Arri Alexa vs. Red Epic vs. 35mm Kodak on an Arricam LT. <br />
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Will modern digital win for its instant gratification or film for its tried-and-true dependability and organic resolution? <br />
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Let the multi-format mud wrestling begin!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">This 35mm Motion Picture Film was unearthed along with assortment of Arignacian stone tools at an archeological dig outside Lascaux.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">"Why nobody come play with me anymore?"</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">You want resolution? You can't handle this resolution! <br />5K GO SMASH NOW!<br /><br /><br /></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Arricam's younger, sluttier sister.<br />Looks sexy, but secretly wrestles with a weight problem.<br />Also kind of racist.</span></td></tr>
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Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-9878234997010084812012-08-30T23:36:00.000-07:002012-08-30T23:36:06.408-07:00Kurosawa + It + Man in Frog Costume = AwesomenessI am pleased to introduce Jules Abrera, who is taking over pencils from Harvey Tolibao. Here's a little taste of what's in store for the Bushido .44 one-shot. You did not know that your life was missing the explosive combination of samurai, clowns and screaming children, but not to worry--the void in your existence will soon be filled...<div>
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Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-13647283102640598512012-06-05T23:43:00.001-07:002012-06-05T23:45:02.422-07:00Long time, no updateHere I am in the midst of a two-month San Francisco sabbatical. I've been waking up at normal human time and doing normal human things like walking places in the daytime. I've never been one of those writers that frequents coffee shops to work, but without my home office, I feel like Barton Fink when I'm stuck writing in the hotel room--which isn't nearly as awesome as it sounds.<br />
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There's a place on Jones and Sutter called Cafe Bean that has become my morning haunt. Writing in coffee shops is much less anathema when you're not in L.A. surrounded by a dozen other screenwriters. The coffee shop owner, Chester, actually asked me if I was writing a thesis. Does anyone in L.A. write theses that aren't in script format? Not that I'm trying to hate on my people.<br />
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Though film is less of a pervasive part of life here, good coffee and pinball seem to be in higher demand. As for transportation, I've only driven a car once since I got here. I didn't miss it.<br />
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Two notable excursions--there is a Jean Paul Gaultier exhibit that is undoubtedly the best museum exhibition I've ever seen. And I went to a drag show at a bar called Aunt Charlie's in the Tenderloin.<br />
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High art and low art.<br />
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In any case, here is the cover of a 10-page short comic I wrote for an upcoming Graveslinger anthology that my old Ides of Blood editor, Shannon Eric Denton is putting together. I don't know when it's coming out, but sometime in the future.<br />
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And while we're talking about things with no projected release date, here is a colored page sample from the Bushido .44 one-shot, which I assure you, continues to forge ahead, despite the ghost of Tokugawa Ieyasu's fiendish attempts to undermine its publication.<br />
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<br />Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-11347105848589790262011-12-31T22:54:00.000-08:002011-12-31T22:54:21.074-08:00Happy Samurai New YearTo ring in the new year, I am posting a teaser page from the upcoming Bushido .44 one-shot graphic novel. Be warned: Harvey Tolibao's pencils will cut you down like Toshiro Effing Mifune!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd9sWtof2X7gJrHbySpiBGYxGeoNmldseZnbPTh-slHgkcA9dDygBYZvPnbtbMUeCe-Uhck9fiUxEmU9utUc2j2FD-moUS5XTFsTV4M2sR8_aiKdQ6Wz7nYm9MV0skQNOWp0xWHRj_tUBa/s1600/BSHDO_006-007_+edited+final.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd9sWtof2X7gJrHbySpiBGYxGeoNmldseZnbPTh-slHgkcA9dDygBYZvPnbtbMUeCe-Uhck9fiUxEmU9utUc2j2FD-moUS5XTFsTV4M2sR8_aiKdQ6Wz7nYm9MV0skQNOWp0xWHRj_tUBa/s400/BSHDO_006-007_+edited+final.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-55009202516641443562011-12-12T00:08:00.000-08:002011-12-12T00:09:08.769-08:00R.I.P. Dr. Manhattan (2009-2011)<div style="font-family: inherit;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-align: left;">The following story is dedicated in memoriam to my hamster, Dr. Manhattan. The first draft was written the same day that he was laid to rest. As he rides with the Valkyrie in the Halls of Valhalla, may his fur be forever fuzzy, his balls ever so large.</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-align: center;"><u>HAMSTER MAN</u></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">By Stuart C. Paul</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">David was a hamster person. By the time he was thirty-nine, he could rattle off the names of the sixteen hamsters he had owned over the course of his lifetime with the same effortless cantor usually reserved for reciting the Presidents of the United States. His first hamster, Squeaky, had been a gift from his parents when David was six. It was supposed to be a training wheels pet—the hamster’s low maintenance requirements coupled with its short life span intended to teach the child the virtues of responsibility in preparation for the inevitable day came when David began pestering his parents for a dog. The assumption that the boy’s tastes would grow more sophisticated over time proved to be incorrect. While his preferences in food, clothing, entertainment and friends changed over time, his taste in pets never did.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">To say that David liked hamsters would be an understatement. To say he loved them misses the point entirely. It was a bond born of an understanding that went beyond species, transcending the traditional roles of owner and pet. The boy’s unusual predilection did not go unnoticed by his parents. His mother first began to worry when she would glance over from the television to see David perched with his face pressed against the bars of rodent’s cage for hours on end, gazing deep into the noble Squeaky’s eyes as if they contained the very secrets of the cosmos. This concerned her, for the hamster is, by design, a stupid creature. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">Her apprehension that the boy’s attachment to the ham went beyond what might be considered completely normal remained only a seed buried deep in the recesses of her mind. That all changed when she was getting ready for dinner one night, only to discover her favorite pair of heels had been chewed to bits. It seems that her son, having determined it cruel and unusual punishment to keep imprisoned in a cage, a creature who so obviously possessed such a keen desire for freedom, had begun letting Squeaky run free. A family discussion was held in the living room, during which David’s parents sought to make the boundaries between hamster and human more clearly defined. Despite her son’s promise to keep his friend locked up when not under direct supervision, David’s mother would still, on occasion, find the telltale oval-shaped nuggets dotting the carpets which told her that a hamster was afoot. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">For his part, David’s father took the boy’s antics in stride—that is until the night he was awakened by the sounds of scurrying within the walls. The rest of the night was spent hammering, drilling and sawing; and then calling, coaxing and cursing. The hamster was finally lured out around dawn, leaving a series of gaping holes in the baseboards of the house. Worse still, the night’s excavation had also exposed a sea of gnawed wires behind the entertainment system. This led to another talk in the living room, during which David’s father threatened to release the hamster into the wilds of the suburbs to fend for itself against the neighborhood cats if something like this ever happened again.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">For a while, things calmed down. Then came the day David began insisting that a benevolent wizard had transformed him into a hamster overnight. Abandoning his human identity, David would answer only to the name Garbanzo. He filled his room with shredded newspaper and went about in the nude, abandoning showers in favor of licking himself in the corner. Soon after, a pungent smell alerted his parents that Garbanzo had abandoned use of the household bathroom facilities. An appointment with a psychologist was quickly scheduled. After three sessions, the doctor concluded that David was not insane—just a little strange. David’s human identity reasserted itself soon after. Despite a tumultuous beginning, David’s antics soon faded away into the domain of family lore. After the death of the inimitable Squeaky, David’s parents felt a pang of relief, but within a day, David had already begun inquiries as to when he could get another hamster. So it was that neither nature nor nurture, psychology nor sociology could account for David’s unnaturally potent affinity for the noble <i><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Mesocricetus </span>auratus.</i> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">Hamsters came and went, and in all the years of David’s youth, there was scarcely a week in total when there was not a hamster in the house. As he grew older, certain analogous qualities between pet and owner became apparent, the most obvious being their sleep cycles. Like companions, David was nocturnal. As a boy, he often had difficulty sleeping at night. As a teenager, his days were plagued by sloth, his nights the only time when he truly came alive. His eating habits were also rather rodent-like, his preference being to eschew regular meals in favor of snacking on whatever food he had on-hand. Like his friends, sunflower seeds, cashews, peanuts and assorted sweets were a favorite. The last point of comparison was David’s uncanny ability to expand the size of his cheeks to extraordinary proportions, a favorite party trick which earned him many free drinks, but very little in the way of female companionship.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">As a rule, David was monogamous in his hamster relations. One hamster at a time—that was the lesson he learned when he accidentally placed Nibble (#3) and Hampshire (#4) in the same cage. A series of furious shrieks alerted him to his mistake, and he found the two rodents rolling around, their bodies melded together in a furball of mortal combat. David himself did not escape unscathed as Nibble’s teeth dug into the skin of David’s index finger when he reached in and grabbed the wrestlers, vigorously shaking them to peel them apart. When the wounds were tallied, the battle came out overwhelmingly in Hampshire’s favor. Nibble suffered multiple lacerations, losing a large chunk from his left foreleg, while Hampshire got off with a minor scratch under his right eye. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">The milestones of David’s life were marked not by changes in the world around him, but in the cage across from his bed. His induction into the world of adolescent obsession with sex came not from the girl next door, TV or the Internet, but when he saw Quasimodo (#6) pleasuring himself. He shared his collegiate descent into drunken debauchery with Bond James Bond (#9). Unlike his namesake, the hamster never took to martinis, shaken or stirred. And never had David felt such palpable rage as when he returned from class to find his roommate and three of his friends blowing pot smoke into Mr. Bond’s plastic hamster ball. 007 spent the rest of the night hiding under David’s bed, chattering his teeth and obsessively grooming. David’s first and only experience with marijuana went much the same. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">Of all of David’s hamsters over the years, only one, Mary Todd Lincoln (#5) was female. Finding her smelly, he swore to stick to male hamsters from then on, but years later, after meeting a most enchanting human female who accepted David’s proposal of marriage, he decided it was time to give the fairer sex another shot. His marriage was mirrored in the coupling of George (#11) and Gracie (#12), the lone exception to his one-hamster-at-a-time rule, whose honeymoon came to an abrupt end when David found Gracie cannibalizing the brains of her ill-fated husband and newborn litter. David’s own marriage ended under slightly less diplomatic terms.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">While it is undeniable that hamsters offers a number of substantial positives (easy to clean up after, quiet, fuzzy), there are also some negatives which any hamster owner can tell you are keenly felt (impossible to housetrain, enjoy to chew on expensive things, tend to hoard food in unexpected places), the most potent of which is their short lifespan. The average duration of a hamster’s existence is two years—a high turnover rate when one considers that the death of each and every one of his hamsters struck David like the loss of a beloved relative. The most aged hamster David ever had, Miyamato Musashi (#13) lived an epic four years. The shortest was Gilgamesh (#10), who after being left beside an open window by the maid overnight, contracted wet tail and died within two weeks. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">Over time, David’s grieving process had grown into a ritual as precise and layered as that of any religion. Whether the creature had to be put down by anesthesia (Beast, #10), died peacefully in his sleep (Jesse James, #11), or fell prey to the laws of gravity (Evel Kanevil, #2), David always followed the same procedure. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">First, the coffin was constructed, preferably out of balsa wood. Next, a coin was placed between the hamster’s teeth (one must do this quickly before rigor mortis sets in). Once the coffin was glued shut and the proper Buddhist mantra concluded, the coffin was covered in Sterno, placed upon a body of water (an ocean or lake is preferable, but a bathtub will do) and lit aflame, the remains transferred afterwards to an appropriate resting place. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">Such was the process which David undertook two weeks before his fortieth birthday, laying to rest Dr. Manhattan (#16). The death of the good Doctor hit David particularly hard, for he had nursed Dr. Manhattan from the time he was no bigger than David’s own thumb. The doctor’s disposition was most pleasant. Never once did David feel the sting of the hamster’s bite. The Doctor was also favored among all David’s hamsters for his habit of climbing a stack of books that David had leaned against the wall. From there, the adventurous sprite crawled up the window blinds, onto a speaker shelf and down to David’s desk where he would sit, illuminated by the glow of David’s computer screen, the two of them working side by side, deep into the night. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">Two years came and went, and with them, the good Doctor’s salad days passed into requiem. The first sign of mortality came when David heard a solid thud followed by a series of pained shrieks from his office. The Doctor, his grip not what it once was, apparently slipped whilst engaging in his nightly climbing ritual. But even a broken leg could not slow him, nor dampen his spirits, though he did walk with a limp from then on. The next thing to go was the doctor’s eyesight as his pupils clouded over with cataracts. Still, his sense of smell took over where his sight failed him, and Dr. Manhattan still got around as well as ever. Then came the night when the Doctor did not emerge from his cage at the appointed hour. When David picked him up, the strength had gone out of the hamster, his body limp, his gaze full of apathy. The tumor, which had no doubt been brewing beneath Dr. Manhattan’s lustrous coat of fur, had sprung up nearly overnight. It was located on the lower, right side of his abdomen and quickly spread into his right rear leg. The nails on his foot began growing at a spectacularly accelerated rate, curling up into spirals as the cancer cells continued to reproduce at breakneck speed. Dr. Manhattan’s decline was swift and merciless. He became lethargic, stopped eating and drinking, and lost most his muscle tone. When David picked him up, the hamster stared at him with an apathetic look on his face, his body limp like a lukewarm marshmallow. The Doctor’s death was inevitable, a blessed release from an existence which had become filled with suffering. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">For two weeks, David barely ate. He slept all day and rarely went outside. He felt he had lost the best part of himself. As in his youth, his existence began to resemble that of the hamster he now mourned. When he finally did work up the strength to shower and go to the local breeder to look into procuring another hamster, something had changed. He no longer felt the same tingling anticipation as he waited to see with which animal he would have a connection. He looked upon the poor creatures piled upon one another like the residents of a refugee camp, and all he could think of was death, death, death. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">The knowledge of his coming loss overshadowed all possibility of joy in the present, and David decided that perhaps the day of the hamster man had come to an end. Two years was just too short a time. Assuming he lived to 80 years, he would, at the present trajectory, have to suffer through the pain of losing twenty more beloved companions at least. Perhaps, he thought, it is time to move on, to get a pet less susceptible to mortality. Like a macaw or a tortoise or something like that. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">David looked into every species, genus and phylum under the sun, conducting research both in physical libraries, in zoos and online. He came very close to purchasing a San Salvadorian iguana, but decided he could not get past the reptile’s notable lack of fuzziness. No, it was time to face up to the facts—it was hamster or nothing. Just as David resigned himself to the idea of spending the rest of his life in hamsterless spinsterhood, a message popped up in his inbox. The sender’s name was listed as DR. GENE POOLE. The subject: LIVE FOREVER. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">Though he normally would have deleted such a message out of hand, David found himself opening the message. The advertisement read: SCIENTISTS CAN NOW FORESTALL AGING AT THE GENETIC LEVEL. ADD YEARS TO YOUR LIFESPAN FOR AS LOW AS $9.99 PER CHROMOSOME!</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">David had heard the hubbub on the news a few years ago when the first designer genetics salon opened up. The proponents of genetic engineering, quick to dispel any accusations of eugenics, said that disease, aging and death were nothing but an accumulation of errors at the genetic level—errors that could now be corrected for a price. The opponents’ arguments were many, but eventually, someone always brought up the words “playing” and “God.” Indeed, the Pope had come down firmly against the concept of gene tampering. But nobody really gave a damn what the Pope said once the geneticists announced the first cancer patients had been cured. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;">Most of Dr. Gene Poole’s marketing was targeted at movie stars, trophy wives and expectant parents hoping to give their children an edge. It had always struck David as grossly narcissistic. Frankly, he didn’t want to live forever. And even if he did, with forty-six chromosomes per cell in the human body, he would never be able to afford it. Plus which, he was far too old to fix the damage that had already been done. The procedure was most successful when applied to an unborn embryo. David moved his cursor over to the delete button, but he did not click. A question, a notion, a fancy had come, unbidden, into his head, and once thought, it could not be un-thought. He wondered to himself, <i>How many chromosomes could a hamster possibly have?</i><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-align: center;"> * * *<br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;"> Hamster #17 cost David $440,000 plus tax. David died at the age of eight-five. He was buried in the graveyard next to Hamsters #1-16. He had no children. The headstone on his grave reads: </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">DAVID AVERSANO</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">1972-2057</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">Survived by Enoch </div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">The World’s Oldest Hamster</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%; text-indent: 0.5in;"></div>Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-20206965583622816732011-12-09T01:37:00.000-08:002011-12-09T16:53:09.802-08:0013 Reasons We Should Restore Funds to NASAI am not an expert on physics, economics, politics or any field of study considered even remotely useful to life as we know it. Therefore, I am eminently qualified to voice my opinion that the United States government should restore funding to NASA. Here are thirteen reasons why:<br />
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1. Education -- America's children are stupid. Everyone else is better than us at everything, especially science. If we want to fix this, we need to reprioritize and foster an educational environment that encourages future generations to enter the fields of engineering and science that will allow our country to maintain relevance through invention.<br />
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2. Health -- One thing leads to another. The research involved in creating technology that will help us reach the stars may lead to discoveries to improve public health and eradicate disease. And by technology, I mean nanotechnology. Take that, cancer! Robo-zapped!<br />
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3. Plan B (Part I) -- It's always good to have a backup plan. Some day, life on Earth will end. Sure, people have been expecting the world to end since it first began, but just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it won't ever. Granted, the United States will probably have long ceased to exist as a geopolitical entity, its memory recalled only in the campfire tales told in the hushed tones among the few literate survivors that have not yet fallen prey to the radioactive cannibalistic cowmen that will evolve sometime in the 33rd century. But still.<br />
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<div style="margin: 0px;">4. Moon Outpost -- Because it's a freaking <i>moon base.</i></div><div style="margin: 0px;"><br />
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5. Listen to Michael Bay (Plan B: Part II) -- That meteor killed the dinosaurs. And that other meteor recently almost hit us. It passed between the Earth and the moon. Do you have any idea how close that is?!!! We need to get some antigravity lasers up there, STAT.<br />
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<div style="margin: 0px;">6. Colony on Mars -- See Reason #4 but replace the word "moon" with "Mars."</div><br />
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7. Population -- The stupid people are having more kids than you. While some scientists say overpopulation is not as big a problem as we once thought it was, recent traffic trends suggest otherwise. Also old people are living longer. Also China. On that note...<br />
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8. China -- They already own the country. Do you want them to own Mars, too? Well, do you?!<br />
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9. Energy and the Environment -- You want to talk about moving past fossil fuels and onto hydrogen power? Most of the matter in the universe is hydrogen. The sun is a giant hydrogen battery. The solution to our environmental crisis lies not on earth, but in the stars. Plus we need to be taking fusion power more seriously. Seriously.<br />
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10. The Economy -- More space travel means more jobs. It's going to take a lot of contractors to build our Intergalactic Earth Armada of Doom to say nothing of the bureaucrats and military personnel required for our malevolent takeover of other galaxies.<br />
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11. Hyperspace Travel -- Though unconfirmed by other laboratories, CERN recently broke the speed of light, but we have a long way to go before we get warp drive.<br />
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12. The Future Survival of Humanity -- The exploration of the universe is the best hope we have of uniting mankind and redefining ourselves not as citizens of a particular country, but of the same planet. I do not subscribe to the Roddenberry's vision of the future. We will always be cruel, petty and violent, but why kill each other on a planet with only one sun, when you could do it on a planet with <i>three</i> suns? And like, maybe a green sky.<br />
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13. Maybe There's Aliens -- I'm just saying.<br />
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Here is a link to a petition you can sign if you agree with what you have surely found to be rock-solid and convincing arguments: <a href="https://wwws.whitehouse.gov/petitions/%21/petition/reallocate-defense-funds-nasa/HrxpT8pf?utm_source=wh.gov&utm_medium=shorturl&utm_campaign=shorturl">https://wwws.whitehouse.gov/petitions/!/petition/reallocate-defense-funds-nasa/HrxpT8pf?utm_source=wh.gov&utm_medium=shorturl&utm_campaign=shorturl</a>Stuhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09205808912634790455noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5226296947448808994.post-67458817751049687452011-10-23T23:19:00.000-07:002011-10-24T02:16:08.382-07:00More comics about dinosaursThe blog's recent trend away from reporting on my legitimate writing endeavors and towards things involving dinosaurs can be attributed to three key factors: 1 - Dinosaurs are awesome, 2 - My wife is currently taking an art class, so we have all this art stuff lying around and 3 - DINOSAURS ARE AWESOME. <br />
<div><br />
</div><div>Thus, despite having no particular talent or genetic predisposition, I've occasionally been using the pen for pictures instead of words as a way to relax when I'm not writing movies or TV pilots or comics for real artists to work on. I used to draw comics in high school when I was bored during class, and I figured now that I've actually written some comics that got made, it might be interesting to try and draw some pictures, too. Perhaps I will come to a better understanding of the artist's plight in this world. Soon, you may find me wandering down the street screaming at my own reflection in the window of a Norwegian clothing boutique as I curse myself for ruining my beautiful art with all my stupid, ugly words.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Thus, I give you PREHISTORIC TYRANNY.</div><div><br />
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